Listen
to Angelita share a cancer experience in her own words. (696 K
.au file)
Listen
to Angelita share a cancer experience in her own words. (696 K
.au file)
Angelita, a Chicano/Latino was 41 years old when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is a spiritual person and believes that every person has his or her own unique purpose in life. She knows that she is important and wants to live.
A lump was found during a routine examination in her doctor's office. Angelita wasn't concerned about cancer because she led a healthy life style and had no history. She was surprised when the results came back positive.
Angelita has a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy and Tamoxifen. She found that it was important to feel in charge of her life. She picked her own surgeon, wore her own gown, and played her own music.
Angelita found some support through family, friends, and prayer. Much of her recovery was based on her spiritual understanding. Breast cancer to her was a wake up call on how she was living her life.
Angelita's Introduction: Why do you want to live?
The minister called me at home and he made me think, why do you
want to live? And I kept thinking, well, because I want to live to
see my children graduate from college, and I want to see my
grandchildren. And he said no, no, no. Why do you want to live? What
is it that Angelita wants to do with her life? And it was strange
because I had never really thought of it like that, but it commenced
an area of growth and it got me on the right track.
Angelita's Introduction: The healing process is in you
Medicine and traditional medicine in particular will have a way to
kind of make you feel like don't worry, we're going to take care of
this. You know, let me cut it out, let me radiate it and you don't
have to do anything. But that's like you're giving your power to
somebody else. This whole process is one where a woman has to take a
hold of every single step that you're going to go through. That whole
healing process is not something that's out there with the doctors.
That healing process is something that's inside of you.
Angelita's Introduction: I called my comrade
My friends are very, very wonderful and supportive. This is the
time that you call on your support system because this is very
devastating news. You can't, at least my type of personality can't
handle all of this all by myself. I called my comadre up. She's my
son's godmother, and I'm her daughter's godmother. She is so funny.
She right away said, oh God, does this mean that I'm going to have to
go out and buy you one of those wigs now?
Angelita's Introduction: Everyone has a purpose
I am a very spiritual person, and a part of that is my going into
the Unity churches and the way that they view the world. How there is
a universal being that has created everything. And every single
person that inhabits this earth has their own particular purpose in
this life. And that's kind of what made me really think about what
would this earth be like if I weren't here. And I don't have to be
perfect. I can be myself because there's nobody else like me. There's
nobody else like you, and that's why its important to heal
yourself.
Angelita's Introduction: Be the squeaky wheel
No, I didn't have any personal problems with the insurance. I
think I was very fortunate. You have to do what you have to do. You
know, its like the squeaky wheel gets the oil. You stand up and you
insist on what you believe. I think that they're going to go ahead
and pay for any additional treatment. It might not come easy, it
might mean that you have to talk to your doctor, that you have to
write letters to the company, that you have to contact the insurance
bureau in Lansing, but how can somebody tell you that we've already
done a lumpectomy and we're not going to pay for another mastectomy.
No.
Angelita's Introduction: I'm not the same person
I'm clearly not the same person I was when I got the diagnosis of
breast cancer. And I can't really say its about the disease. Its
about life. Its something that changes your life forever. People
grumble about stuff. So it snows. The fact is, I could not be here to
enjoy it. What difference does it make if its a little bit of an
inconvenience to have to get out and scrape the snow off of the car.
You have to enjoy every single day and the moment.
Angelita's Introduction: God's way of saying
And I don't think that something like cancer comes into your life
without a purpose. And I know that kind of sounds strange, but all of
these challenges, they come into your life for a purpose. Its like
God's way of saying you need to make some changes in your life.
Angelita's Introduction: My daughter was concerned
I was down when I heard the news about cancer, and then I was
angry, then I accepted. Once I said that, I wanted to help other
people. I volunteer in American Cancer Society. I say "I can help." I
speak Japanese, I speak Chinese, I speak Cantonese, Indo-Chinese
style, I speak three different dialects and I speak Japanese. So I
say if you have cancer patients from those areas, I can translate. I
can do whatever I can to help them, to talk to them.
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Angelita's Diagnosis: The lump didn't worry me
The lump was found by my gynecologist when I went in for a pap
smear. I just said well, I know this isn't any kind of malignancy
because I don't have history, I'm pretty healthy, I eat well, I
exercise. But when I went back in August, the lump was still there
and he said I want you to see the surgeon. And I went for the
mammogram and there was nothing on the mammogram, so I went into see
the surgeon and he scheduled the biopsy and that went fairly
smoothly. That was right before the Labor Day weekend, and I enjoyed
my Labor Day weekend. But when I came back in to see the doctor on
Tuesday morning was when he let me know that it was malignant.
Angelita's Diagnosis: I read the pathology report
When I hand carried the pathology report from the lumpectomy to
the oncologist, I asked him if I could look at it. I remember very
clearly looking at the pathology report. Toward the very bottom it
said "virtual involvement into the margin". When I read it, it was
kind of like terror gripped my hide and I said, "Wait a minute - this
means that it went all the way into the edge of the tissue that was
removed." He didn't get it all. And he said "Yes." And I said "Well,
I'm not happy with that." I said, "Let me look at this. Let me look
at different options and get some other opinions."
Angelita's Diagnosis: I knew what I had to do
I think the things are in divine order, because here was another
Latino female talking to me about my pathology report. And she said
my mother died of breast cancer and she said "If I were you, I would
go ahead and have mastectomy." And I already knew that. That was what
I had to do. I knew that I wasn't going to sit there and go for the
okey-doke on the radiation and chemotherapy. So, like a true champ I
went home, drank a bottle of wine, called my comadre up and we went
out for a drive and talked about these things. And it was just a
question of where am I going to have the mastectomy done, and
selecting a doctor with whom I felt comfortable.
Angelita's Diagnosis: It was an interruption
I remember sitting down in the chair and him getting ready to sit
down in his chair behind the desk and telling me that it was
malignant. And I just started to work with a law firm that did a lot
of progressive work. I really wanted to be there. I had worked very
hard to get to where I was, and there was that part of me that saw
this as a real interruption in my life. So this is cancer, let's get
rid of it. I have work to do and I have to be about my business.
Angelita's Diagnosis: You must be informed
The type of cancer that I had was lobular cancer. You don't have
to be rocket scientist to read these medical reports. You sit down,
put that little report in front of you. Things and terms that you
don't understand, go to your library and do some research. You must
be informed about what it is that is going on. For me, lobular cancer
is a very fast growing cancer, it's usually in the ducts of the
breast, and it manifests itself in particular little ways. The cells
lined up single file. That was the way that they described it in the
pathology report.
Angelita's Diagnosis: It took a law
I think by law doctors are required to give you a booklet that
specifies some of the various treatment options that are available to
women, because I think before, it was just a question of well, we
need to cut those breasts off. You don't need them anyway. You know,
well, yes we do need them. And I think you need to know about all of
your treatment options. Its too bad that it took a law to say that.
Do women not matter in this society as to what our feelings are and
how we view ourselves?
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Angelita's Treatment: I considered a chemo trial
I always thought, oh, if ever I were to have a diagnosis of
cancer, I wouldn't deal with all of this chemotherapy and radiation
and stuff. But its very interesting when you get the diagnosis and
how you proceed to think about it. The oncologist mentioned that they
were doing a trial. If you agreed to join the trial then you would be
assigned nothing but this drug, or this drug in combination with
other drugs, and so you actually had four options. And I looked at it
and I figured that I would go with CMF, which I think is a
combination or something like that. I didn't want to do this other
drug that was a part of all of the options in the trial program
because it did damage to your heart. I didn't want that.
Angelita's Treatment: The smell and taste of chemo
The first session I thought, oh, this is a piece of cake, but its
the second one that will really put the whammy on you. A friend told
me "Be sure you take some mints with you when you go into the room
because you can taste medication." They do an IV drip, but it was so
very potent. I remember I could smell it, I could taste it, and when
I went to the bathroom I could smell it in my urine. It was just that
strong.
Angelita's Treatment: The depression was horrible
I never had nausea. I did experience depression. I had never
experienced depression like that in my entire life. It was such a
horrible feeling. And again, I guess things happen so that you
understand other people, but that type of depression was so
overwhelming it was like, I don't want to live like this anymore.
Finally, I just prayed about it and I said "Lord, you take this, I
can't handle this." And it went away.
Angelita's Treatment: Let me decide
Yes, I would have loved to have kept both breasts. It would have
been wonderful, but not at the expense of my life. Its not anything
so great to lose a breast. I'm still here, I'm alive and well, and I
know that I will live a long healthy, happy life, and I will be
active until I die so I don't worry about those things, but let me
make own decisions. Inform me about everything.
Angelita's Treatment: Have music and lilies
When I went in for the mastectomy, I took with me a tape recorder
because I wanted to listen to nice music in my room. And I think that
there's a lot of proof that music and sound has certain healing
effects on the body. And I remember that I had very beautiful
flowers. If you or anyone else is going to go into the hospital for a
mastectomy or lumpectomy, get some lilies in your flowers. It smells
up the room, its beautiful. Find some nice tranquil music that you
can listen to. It has to be a comforting thing for you to be in the
hospital.
Angelita's Treatment: You have to be in charge
You know, you have to be in charge of what it is that is going on.
I remember going in for the mastectomy and I think it was an intern,
he was going to do a rectal exam. Ordinarily I probably would have
just along with it, but I said "You know, I'm here to have a
mastectomy. I don't have any gastrointestinal problems. No, I am not
going to allow you to do a rectal exam." So he said okay. If you go
along with the flow, you lose that sense of being in power.
Angelita's Treatment: I had picked the surgeon
I asked to see the doctor before he came in for surgery. I was in
the pre-op room and they had already put in the IV and started some
of the sedation and stuff. But I remember feeling very calm about it,
feeling its okay to go under and let him do the surgery. I knew that
he was going to do a good job. This was somebody that I had picked
that I felt we had a good rapport. He understood what my needs were.
And so when he came into this operating room, it was like I can go
ahead and go under now. Everything is in its proper place and
order.
Angelita's Treatment: I wore my own gown
I remember being bandaged up and kind of wanting to look at the
mastectomy scar, but not really want to look at it. I remember it
being very red up here. I just said no, I am not going to sit here in
this hospital gown feeling ugly about myself. Oh, no. I had gone out
and gotten some nice little nightgowns, some little satin gowns
because I wanted to feel good about myself. I might have lost a
breast, but that doesn't make me any less sensual or beautiful. When
the doctors were making the rounds in the morning, he had to pull the
gown up and he turned around to his medical students and he said,
"This is why you always encourage patients to wear their hospital
gowns. It always takes a little bit longer...." I said "Look, who
gives a rip? I'm paying for this. You work for me."
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Angelita's Recovery: Less discomfort this time
My mother came in from Arizona and she was with me there at the
hospital when I went in for the mastectomy. I was there three days
altogether. I didn't feel bad at all. I think there was actually more
pain and more difficulty in moving when I had the lymph nodes
removed, then you really feel your arm, you're just not able to move
it as freely. I noticed that there was a lot of congestion in my
chest from the mastectomy, but other than that, I didn't feel bad at
all.
Angelita's Recovery: I would consider Reconstruction
Looking back on it now, I think I would probably choose to have
breast reconstruction done. I still have my prosthesis. Its just an
inconvenience. I'm not particularly bashful about walking around my
house without a bra in a T-shirt. So I'm a little lopsided. It does
make a difference in the way that your clothes fit, and I like to
play tennis and wearing a prosthesis inside a bra and it jumps around
and it just gets to be a little bit uncomfortable. But I think it
does affect you - in that sensual, sexual aspect of yourself. That's
something that I would certainly ask anyone to consider before they
actually for surgery. And sometimes we don't know what we want. I
didn't think I was going to my breast at all... but I really do.
Angelita's Recovery: Ask for prayer
I truly do believe in prayer. When you commune with God, God hears
you. I think that there have been a lot of studies done on prayer.
How when individuals pray for others, the prayed for groups do
remarkably better. Being brought up in a very Catholic home, my
cousins and other family members whom I don't really see very often,
prayed for me. And if your friends are there to support you, ask them
for their prayers. To keep you in their good thoughts, that benefits
you when you have a healing challenge.
Angelita's Recovery: Laughter is good for you
I did rent a lot of videos, funny videos, because laughter is very
good for you. And I think it has to do with the sound and the
breathing that laughter does. I'm not a big television watcher, but I
would check out six or eight videos for the weekend because I would
have my treatments on a Thursday. I was wiped out Friday, and the
weekend I was trying to get myself together to go back into work on
Monday. So it was a nice escapism.
Angelita's Recovery: Chemo helped me control
Knowing what I know now about healing, I think that the
chemotherapy allowed me to control the disease to the point to where
I could take charge of my life and allow my own body to heal itself.
I'm not so sure that if there were to be a recurrence I would go
along with additional chemotherapy or radiation. I don't think so
because I feel that there are other ways to allow my own body to heal
itself. But I wasn't at the point where I could heal my own self so I
chose to do the chemotherapy.
Angelita's Recovery: Massage and visualization
I had a massage every week. Just like babies need to be held and
touched, so do adult human beings. The massage helped to move all of
that chemotherapy through the system because it doesn't need to
linger. All of the toxins don't need to sit around in my body, they
need to get out. I drank lots of distilled water. And you have to
keep flushing that out of your system. I did a lot of visualization.
I Visualized the medication going in, doing what it had to do,
leaving my healthy cells alone and getting out of my body.
Angelita's Recovery: I prepared for hair loss
I lost a lot of my hair. I did prepare myself by going out to look
at wigs and see what kind of were available so that if at any point I
did lose a lot of hair I wouldn't have to all of a sudden be stuck
with "Ahh, what am I going to do?" I was fortunate, I didn't lose all
of my hair, but it thinned out a whole lot and I was just able to
kind of keep it short so that it wasn't as noticeable.
Angelita's Recovery: Its a wake-up call
Getting a diagnosis of breast cancer means "Wake up, what are you
doing with your life?" So you've been stuck in a marriage that has
not been good for you? He's got to go. Wake up. Those people that are
around you sometimes, they want to keep you the same way that you
were, but you know, its either you want it, or you cease to exist as
who you really are - physically as well as spiritually. The diagnosis
is an opportunity for growth and change, and if you make those
changes, there's no where to go but up. Its a very wonderful,
wonderful life. I feel like Jimmy Stewart.
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