It isn’t always easy to express our emotions. Many of us have picked up the idea that some of our feelings are not acceptable and should be shut away. But the problem with trying to deny our feelings is that they don’t really go away but continue to work on us from inside. Unexpressed feelings can be a source of great suffering, sometimes much greater than the physical effects of illness. On the other hand, getting those feelings out in the open can be a great relief. If you accept your feelings and then express them, you will be better able to address them. Sometimes just talking will make a big difference and sometimes more formal counseling is what’s needed. Either way, you can’t deal with your emotions if they are bottled up inside.
We all have a right to our emotions. It is all right to feel angry or feel like crying. And it’s all right to say you’re angry and to cry. Your emotions need to be respected. Just remember that it’s a two-way street: the emotions of those around you need to be respected too.
Emotional honesty does not have to mean that you must express every thought or expose every feeling, however. Maintaining the bounds of privacy may be an important part of feeling in control of your life. But there is a difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy is about the freedom to define the boundaries of your relationship. Secrecy is about hiding facts, usually with the belief that revealing those facts will have a bad outcome. But keeping secrets in a relationship can be very destructive. It can lead to much worse outcomes than the ones you may be imagining. Hiding facts causes people to hide from each other when what they need most is to stay connected.
There is also a danger of using honesty as a weapon to divide instead of a bond to unite. Under the pretense of honest sharing, people sometimes make comments that are deliberately meant to hurt. Be wary of the temptation to express your feelings as a way of inflicting pain on others rather than a means of relieving your own pain.