I initially struggled with the idea that somehow I was being punished because I think unfortunately that is an idea that we're given. Some of the self help books can give you the idea that if you're just happy and joyous all the time, or have positive images in your mind that somehow you won't have the pain. And that simply isn't true. I just remind myself that God is not a sadist. One of the pastors who visited me shortly after my bone marrow transplant asked me if I thought God could cry. I burst into tears thinking God could cry with me and feel for me in my pain. The idea of God being with me through this has been very, very important.

Additional Medical Information:

• Belief that suffering is deserved
• Concerns about being good
• Spiritual care