It was really up to me to find help and in fact this always blew my mind. One time I went to a meeting that was facilitated by a minister and you're already stressed out to the max and you're already freaking out. Nobody should have to go out and hunt for help. She just kinda said well, the helps there, you just gotta find it. And I think the whole point I'm trying to make is you're all screwed up in your head anyway a little bit, you're freaking out. There is this added burden of trying to touch the right base. At that time I don't think I could have done it any different because I don't feel there were really any options. I had to do it myself.